A liberal Muslim homosexual illegal immigrant ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx.I'm sure you've seen (and are maybe a bit tired of) the viral posts this one is parodying. A common Christian misconception of these posts it addresses is the belief that, in James Hunter's words, "If you have the courage and hold to the right values and if you think Christianly enough with an adequate Christian worldview, you too can change the world." I used to think that if I could just form the right argument and convey God's truth well enough, any opposition to Christianity would just melt away. How ridiculous. It also points out most of the cultural issues around which conservative Christianity has framed its ministry in the world.
“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being that the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ.”
At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life, Eagle Scout Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decisions made by the United States stood up and held a rock.
“How old is this rock?” he asked.
The arrogant professor smirked his PhD smile and smugly replied “4.6 billion years old, you stupid Christian.”
“Wrong,” said the brilliant war hero. “It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal by now.”
The professor was visibly shaken and dropped his copy of The Origin of Species. He stormed out of the room, his eyes full of liberal crocodile tears.
The 500 students all applauded and registered Republican that day. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American flag and shed a tear on the chalk board. He reminded the students of the necessity of the 2nd Amendment and encouraged them all purchase firearms. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country. Ronald Reagan watched all of this with great joy, smiling from the heavens.
The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He mysteriously lost his life later that year and the coroner found that he died from chronic atheism. The university used the money that would have paid his salary to demolish the biology department building and erect a statue of Rocky in its place.
And the name of the brave patriotic soldier? Einstein.
Monday, May 14, 2012
My friend just shared this on Facebook and I got the best laugh I've had in weeks. I couldn't resist reposting it here.