On Drink Temperatures

Time for a more offbeat post. This morning I happened upon this comic strip:

Oh, Hagar the Horrible. You never change. Anyway, after reading it, I thought how there is a cultural consensus that beer should be consumed at a very cold temperature. In fact, after a bit of thought, I realized there is a culturally mandated temperature for just about every beverage. For social situations where it would be uncouth to consult Wikipedia, I've created a quick reference chart of culturally mandated drink temperatures.

Tea was the only beverage I can think of that's often served hot or cold (though I've heard of iced coffee). Wine was literally the only beverage I could think of that's normally served at room temperature. From my findings, I concluded that there is but one explanation: there is some kind of beverage cabal that controls the social regulation of drink temperatures! Presumably they have hidden thermometers in our beverage containers, so if you want to drink hot beer, be sure to do it in a coffee mug. Nothing near room temperature should ever be consumed out of a teacup.

Anyway, I hope that this guide on our secret beverage temperature overlords has been most enlightening, blagoblags. Tune in next week as I tell the story of how I invented water skis for sheep!